I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
