he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
