Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
