Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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