Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
