Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
