and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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