Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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