Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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