You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
