whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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