We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize