This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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