Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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