I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
