i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
