So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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