I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Randomize
