Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
