So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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