The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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