I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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