I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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