I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
