You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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