Already got asked if we're dating
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
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