i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
