did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
