dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
this will be a night to untag.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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