I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize