All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
this is an emotional support booty call
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
