i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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