so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
