You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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