You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
