just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Vodka?
Forever.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
