I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
