Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
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