oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
