Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Randomize
