My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
