why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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