I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
