She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
