The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
