i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
