onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
