thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
