I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I am naked and annoyed.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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