I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
