Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
