Three words: puerto rican gang bang
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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