I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
