Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
