I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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