dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
