Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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