Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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