I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
