WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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