I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
