I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
