Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
