I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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