I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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