I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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