just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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