just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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