So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize