I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
