And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Two words: nipple clamps
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