I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
