Im at strip club and am horny
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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