I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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