Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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