ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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