Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize