I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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