I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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