You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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