she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
