I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize