we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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