Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
