Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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