Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
