cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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