So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
