The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
