When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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