so that wasnt chicken after all
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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